Notes from Steve

One of my biggest internal “Iowa” battles is nice vs assertively kind.  I use the word battle because I’m constantly going over conversations in my head as to whether or not someone took something the wrong way.  If I filled the 90% of my headspace I reserve for “worry about how others are taking my comments or what to wear/order/everything else” with being honest but kind and being fine with my response, I would have so much time on my hands.  I blame Iowa.

I was talking to a provider last week about the weight loss drugs (GLP1s) and weight loss surgery.  I remember when I had my bariatric sleeve procedure 12 years ago and told everyone that it was because I was pre-diabetic and my weight didn’t allow me to move or exercise like I wanted.  I told the provider, “Actually, it was vanity …  I wanted to look better and fit into my clothes”.  I feared people would judge me and say I was taking the easy road out.*  These comments (which I heard) were neither nice nor kind.  Same thing with discussions about hardship or tragic events - some people just word vomit, and everyone is uncomfortable.  In the absence of knowing what to say - silence and showing concern in different ways are perfectly acceptable.  

I think everyone in society today is just itching to complain about something.**  I think if we practiced respectful silence and assertive kindness, the world would be a better place to live in.

*Trust me - it wasn’t easy.  The whole first year was spent trying to get used to living with 80% less stomach, which was hard.

**me totally, I verbally road rage hard.  Now, I try to pick times to commute when other cars aren’t present. Dad, the driver’s ed teacher, used to say “let the fast-driving pack go by you - it’s not worth gaining 30 seconds … chill dude!”  (He didn’t say chill dude!, but it would have been cool if he did.)