I have the heat cranked up in my office. I have the heat cranked up in my house … I was never cold when I was 70 pounds heavier. “Really? Are you actually complaining because you’ve lost weight? SHAME!” I am not complaining, I am stating a fact. My four-inch layer of insulation is gone and now I am cold. Did I mention that I, like 97% of all other Iowans, hate February?*
I guess my new reason for hating February is that about a dozen people are or have told me they are leaving/retiring/taking a new job/not coming. Blech. My visual for this is right after Lucy pulls away the ball and Charlie is flying through the air. Hasn’t hit ground yet but knows it will come and it will hurt. Yep, I’m Charlie flying through the air. I can’t help but feel good for the people because they are doing what is right for them in their lives, but it sucks for me.
I remember when Mom went into Hospice. It was February and she was walking around serving coffee. I thought, “Why is she in Hospice?” I was mad; angry because her prognosis was terminal cancer and she did indeed die eight months later but at the time I projected my anger towards Hospice. They were forcing her to choose death over fighting the disease. Nope, I was wrong … same with my emotions regarding people who are making changes in their lives and it affecting me. I’m not mad at them … I guess as I am sailing through the air (Charlie Brown) I am anticipating pain and that is not comfortable. Hospice was a blessing to Mom – they cared for her and alleviated her pain. Change for the dozen individuals will bring many blessings; their choices will enhance their lives.
Do I miss my mom? Absolutely, and I will miss the people making changes but it’s like February – it’ll happen about this time every year and I just have to get through it … it’s called life.
*“I feel your pain.” Bill Clinton 1992
